I was talking to a friend the other day about life and family. She had mentioned her 4-year-old daughter was having trouble going to sleep.
It was about 9:30 in the evening, and this young mother was still up, putting her finishing touches on a couple of work items that were needed to prep for the next day. Her sleepless daughter climbed onto her lap and curiously watched what her mom was doing on her laptop. She asked about the blue squiggly lines under a particular word. “That means there’s a better way of saying it and the software alerts me to that”. She also asked about the red squiggly line under another word. “That’s because I spelled it wrong, and the software is telling to correct it.”
Continuing to type away as her daughter continued to watch and ask other random questions… “Mommy, why do you keep hitting that button, then the words disappear?” “Oh, that’s the backspace key, it erases what you typed so you can start over, fix your mistake, or say it better.”
The backspace key. Certainly a stroke of genius by some computer programmer a millennia ago. It’s an easy button to press to erase the mistake, the blunder, the incorrect words. Now that I’m a few paragraphs into writing this essay about the backspace key, I’m paying attention to how many times I’ve used it! It’s an easy lift of the right pinky finger to engage its use. Up to this point in this short essay, my guess is I’ve already used it a few dozen times. Fact is, I’ve used it so much over the years, it’s built in to my brain and muscle memory to use that key frequently when writing an email, a document to my client, or for my blog.
Yet, confounding as it is, in life, there is no backspace key. Know what I mean? Once the words are out, they cannot be erased. No right pinky can press the button to eliminate them from the air. Once they’re out, they’re out. If you think about the number of divorces, financial disagreements, fights, arguments, spats and eye rolls that have all been a result of the fact that there is no backspace key in real life, it’d be a staggering amount. Sure, you can apologize. And depending on the victim of your wayward tongue, that may suffice, and the ill-advised words may be forgiven…and forgotten. But oftentimes, even an accompanying apology doesn’t erase the sting of a sharp comment.
So, in light of this, what then shall we do? This lack of a backspace key over the words that we say is a real issue! Well, a couple things come to mind.
Think before you speak. This may make the conversation longer, but it will prevent the wrong words from being spoken.
Be an active listener. Seeking to understand the other person instead of reacting with emotion can go a long way in softening the conversation.
Ask clarifying questions. Having a full understanding of the other party’s view will aid in your response.
Be mindful of your tone. If you’re elevated, they’ll elevate, and your response will likely be more elevated, which lends to speaking hurtful language. Stay calm and composed during an honest conversation.
And, even with those things in mind, wrong words still have a way of escaping. If that happens, apologize promptly, clarify your intent, and learn from your mistake.
In life, there is no backspace key. Words spoken land upon the ears of those to whom they are intended. Sometimes, those words hurt. Be careful, choose your words wisely, speak love and kindness.
And live on purpose today.
