Living with regrets…
I recently watched the movie “Air” which recounted the journey of how Nike landed the Michael Jordan contract as he was about to launch his career in the NBA. Years ago, I read the memoir Shoe Dog by Phil Knight the Founder of Nike. And, as a child of the 90s, growing up in the ‘Air Jordan’ world and wanting to wear all the cool Nike stuff myself, I resonated with the story.
Bottom line, Mr. Knight grew a fledgling start up shoe company from nothing to the $50+ billion annual revenue company it is today. Fact is, when he speaks, people listen. And when Mr. Knight talks about the hard lessons he’s learned along his journey, people really listen. That said, his own reflections at the end of his book about being a dad are particularly noteworthy:
“It might be nice to tell the story of Nike. Everyone else has told the story, or tried to, but they always get half the facts, if that, and none of the spirit. Or vice versa. I might start the story, or end it, with regrets. The hundreds—maybe thousands—of bad decisions . . . Of course, above all, I regret not spending more time with my sons. Maybe, if I had, I could’ve solved the encrypted code of Matthew Knight. And yet I know that this regret clashes with my secret regret—that I can’t do it all over again.”
The fact that Knight’s son, Matthew, died in a scuba diving accident at age 34 makes those words spoken by a now 87-year-old father who wishes he’d been more invested in his children even more powerful. To state the obvious, he can’t get time back and he can’t get his son back.
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While I’ve been far from perfect, I’ve tried my best to a present father to my kids. While I can’t claim that I’ve grown a company to $50 billion in sales, I can say I co-founded a firm that started with no clients, $0 assets to manage, and a dream in our hearts. Today, 23 years later, we steward investments for 370+ clients, over $485 million in assets, and in the meantime, from our founding in 2002, all 3 of my children were born.
My friend and Co-Founder Adam Zuercher and I were both committed to our families. We weren’t going to sacrifice them on the alter of ‘success’, whatever that meant in our industry. To us, success was a good marriage, being good dads to our kids, and good financial advisors to our clients. And, overarching all that was expressing our faith in God as we conducted our lives and business.
Today, my wife of 26 years is still by my side.
My kids are healthy and thriving, I know them and have a good relationship with them.
My team at the firm is doing work they love with people they love.
Our clients are meeting and achieving their financial goals with our help along the way.
My faith guides and directs me, and I appreciate the encouragement and accountability I receive from my faith community.
So, all told, I appreciate Mr. Knight’s reflections on his life. He served as an encouragement to me not to get this fathering thing wrong. He warned me not to make his same mistakes. While I certainly don’t know him personally, if I were given the opportunity, I’d offer my condolences for his son, and I’d thank him for alerting me to fact that I only get one chance at this…that “I can’t do it all over again.”
What about you? Got your priorities right? You find yourself spending more time at the office chasing status rather than being at home being present with your family? In the end, your kids, they’re the only people on the face of this planet that can call you ‘dad’ or ‘mom’. Be there for them. Yes, work. Work hard. Pursue your calling and purpose through toil at the office or factory or job site. And, be present, be home, put your phone down and turn your computer off. Play with them. Read to them. They need you.
You can have both. You can have a good career and a good family. This decision isn’t mutually exclusive. What few things I’ve gotten right, I’m hopeful this is one of them. I’ve worked hard at being a good dad, a good husband and a good financial advisor and friend. I’ve worked hard at having no regrets.
And so can you. Reflect on your life, make a few tweaks, and bring balance back.
Don’t live with regret.
Live on purpose today.
